shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
