she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
