im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
