dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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