This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
