Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
