Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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