i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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