I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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