I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am midnight drunk by noon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
