Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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