He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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