Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
