I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
