I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
