farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
