I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
