And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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