There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize