Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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