ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
