You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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