apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
