she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
