yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
