oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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