The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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