You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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