She is in my trunk
You can't motorboat a personality
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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