You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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