I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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