So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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