I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I smell stomach acid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
