Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
