Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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