I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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