It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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