I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
