Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alive.
So much puke
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
