What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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