i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
