I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
