some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
