the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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