AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
