there's paper in my vomit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
