Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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