My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
