Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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