The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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