Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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