Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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