I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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