Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
