apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
