If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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