the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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