totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
