in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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