before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
