My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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