Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
