yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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